UGLY MEETS SOMEONE SPECIAL

UGLY: so, here’s a photo I took of Pusha T, that’s JT, she’s in City Girls, oh and here’s Bill Nye, remember him? Bill Nye rocked! it was awesome when Ms. Jalinsky would let us watch his show in class.

WELL-ADJUSTED COLLEGE GIRL: [texting her friend “help” under the table] that’s such vibes, hey I think my friends are looking for me, I’ll be right back, don’t move

DearShawtok!

DearShawtok!
My partner and I have been together for three years, and lately, it feels like we’re speaking different languages. We used to have deep convos but now it’s like we’re just going through the motions. Every time we try to discuss our feelings we just end up misunderstanding each other. How can we bridge this communication gap and reconnect?

A: Yerrrrrrr! Aight the first thing you need to do is make your issue known. It’s unfair to not only your partner but yourself as well to not speak on your grievance. If there’s an issue, calmly and rationally explain that you feel like you’re not seeing eye to eye and that you wanna do whatever it takes to bridge that gap! Clothes mouths don’t get fed! Stop what’s currently a speedbump from turning into a big ass pothole before you lose ya damn muffler! And if need be, reach out to a neutral, mutual friend of the both of yours and let them google translate your emotions so y’all can hear each other loud and clear cuz I’m sure you both want to make this work. Ok? OK!

DearShawtok!
I feel like I’m at a crux in my relationship. The other day I found out through a third party that my partner’s been keeping something from me, and I can’t help but feel a growing sense of mistrust. I love them, with all my heart, but the lack of transparency has me losing sleep. How can we rebuild trust, and is it possible to move past such a betrayal?

A: Aw damn gang that’s crazy smh. Trust and respect are like the backbones of any relationship, not just romantic ones. I’ve been through some shit like that before and honestly you gotta ask yourself if you value love or respect more. I say indirect assertive, not aggressive, confrontation is the best solution. Allude to being suspicious and kind of clue them in to the fact that you know, without saying you know; then allow them the chance to come clean. If they admit the truth, know that they respect you enough to tell you the truth even if it’s difficult for them and then decide if you think the relationship is worth salvaging. If they act like they don’t know what you’re talking about with a straight face when it’s obvious they do... walk out that do’ and don’t come back no mo’. Because while anybody that’ll sit in your face and lie to you values having you in their life, but they are too selfish to not do the thing they don’t want you to know and don’t have enough respect for you to give you the autonomy to leave them if you knew what they were hiding. And at that point... it’s a dub! Ok? OK!

DearShawtok!
My partner and I are both successful driven people with demanding jobs which is sort of what sparked our initial attraction. But lately, it feels like our relationship is taking a back seat to our professional lives. We barely have time for each other, and when we do, we’re too drained to really get to bask in each other’s presence. How can we balance our careers and maintain a healthy, thriving relationship? I don’t want our love to take a backseat to our ambitions.

A: Damn slime y’all ass must be capricorns or something lol. But seriously, work-life bal- ance is some shit that’s been spankin niggas way before Maslow’nem ever needed a hier- archy fr. The good news is it seems like the both of you are equally yoked in this situation so the most important thing you can do is empathize with each other since neither party is really at fault. At the end of the day you’re both grinding right now so you can have a better brighter future together I would assume. But you can’t let that spark die while in that pursuit! Utilize that PTO! Facetime each other at lunch! Set aside a day or two out of the week where y’all do something passionate, not just romantic. If you put the same effort into your relationship as you do your careers I’m positive everything will work out. If you continuously water the seed of your relationship in the present, I promise it’ll bloom into a tree that grants you shade in the future. Ok? OK!

UGLY SENT YOU A DM

heyy :) I love your work,, it really inspires me,, u need to respond, fans like me Made it possible for you to sell your toenail clippings on etsy

YOUTH CULTURES!(?)

STREETWEAR

-Baggy pants
-Graphic tee shirts
-Still checks Supreme every week
-Goes to the skatepark for inspiration

GORPCORE

-Enjoys hiking
-Loves granola
-In tune with nature
-Always overdressed for the weather but
-Ready for any natural disaster at all times.

VINTAGE

-Smokes foreign cigarettes
-Lives at the thrift store
-Overpays for old t-shirts
-Has a trust fund

Y2K

-Neon
-The biggest pants you’ve ever seen
-Is currently on an insane amount of MDMA
-High-visibility clothing.
-Could blind a deer

OPIUM

-Obsessed with Playboi Carti
-Angsty at all times
-Keeps a double cup with them
-Spent life savings on Rick Owens pants
-Never heard of Julius or CCP

OLD MONEY

-Hangs around country clubs
-Has one white grandparent
-Inspo is Donnie T
-Practices the Mid-Atlantic accent in the mirror every day
-Misses when the preakness was taken more seriously

WORKWEAR

-Never done physical labor a day in their life
-Carhartt whore
-Goes to the construction site for inspo
-Rolls around in dirt to add authenticity

ROADMAN

-Moncleeezy
-Owns sweatsuits in every color
-Wakes up listening to drill
-Actually dangerous
-Ready to commit heinous crimes at all times
-Oh fuck he just shanked me fam

SCAMMER

-Jeans are way too tight
-Balenciaga
-Mismatched designer
-Drives a Hellcat
-His girlfriend is the most dangerous white woman you have ever met

Ugly Talks...

The IDF

IDF COMMANDER IN 1968: Vladmir Smirminsky, born in a shtetl in eastern Poland, lost 18 brothers during World War II, tactical genius, fought with the partisans, died of a heart attack while burning down a Palestinian elementary school

IDF COMMANDER IN 2023: Mof Galod, born in a hospital built on top of a Palestinian graveyard, amateur DJ, murdered a 6 year old while on patrol in East Jerusalem, gets killed 30 seconds after entering Gaza

The Nixon Tapes
HALDEMAN: I think they’re called vamp, they’re big fans of Opium. Have you heard the
new ken carson?
NIXON: Opium? [grunts] what the fuck?
HALDEMAN: Yeah, it’s a record label.Playboi Carti owns it. NIXON: [inaudible]
HALDEMAN: yeah, I guess ‘those people’ actually own it.

Talking to a Police Sketch Artist
UGLY: his .. aquiline nose was carved gently onto his face, grief embedded in his
solemn eyes, his lips, plump, moist and inviting
OFFICER, DRAWING HEARTS AROUND THE SKETCH : was he white or black? UGLY: His skin was
a deep olive, a rich burnt yell—

Hanging With Africans
ETHIOPIAN: ze ah my horrible white wife ez waiting feh me at dress barn
NIGERIAN: no dey, I can’t beleeb dis, you would date black american? ah, dee-scrace
fal
SOMALI: I’m basically Nordic

SOUTH AFRICAN: [a middle aged man claps hands firmly around a cup of tea] I remember
when my grandfather killed the police officer who came for my brother, he told me
and Cecil to hide in the brush while the apartheid dogs tossed the house. The stench
of the Boers lingered after they left. I never got to say goodbye to my grandfather.

White Flight
The whites ran away from major cities to get away from black folks and crime, just to
watch their entire bloodline get erased by bathtub meth and fentanyl

Doing A Crime

GOON: It’s done boss
CRIME BOSS: and you did exactly what I said?
2ND GOON: we did good, boss. we found the fat white woman wearing big bird pajama
pants at walmart, just like yous told us
CRIME BOSS: I said cookie monstuh pajama pants, you fanook! What have you done?
[warehouse wall explodes]

Ugly Likes Sexyy Red

It’s embarrassing to hate Sexyy Red. It’s not that I think she’s above criticism. Frankly, seeing TikTok of kindergarteners quoting her isn’t an ideal situation, but that can be resolved with parents not blasting “Shake Em Dreads” on the way to daycare.

We seem to be directly linking her music to the surreptitious decline of black America Sexyy Redd rapping about hellcats is why the auto industry left Detroit and plunged the black middle class into a chasm of despair. Sexyy Red is the reason why the crack epidemic decimated DC. To some folks, her existence is uniquely a black experience; only black people would support an artist whose entire persona is the moral rot of our culture. Afro-pessimists live in a box where black people are being continually humiliated through our willingness to allow artists like Sexxy Redd to freely exist. Every time she does the “chicken-head” pregnant on stage, they die inside.

The whole thing is nonsense, though. Most people who say this kind of shit clearly don’t know white people very well. White musicians routinely displayed such utter disregard for anything resembling morality. You had rock bands (and I mean every conceivable subgenre of rock music) biting off the heads of bats and gyrating their crotches on stage for white teenagers, before going backstage and shooting heroin into their penises. Nikki Six, bassist for the band Motley Crue, used to shoot heroin into his dick. That’s an actual fact. Google it. They were also all notorious pedophiles, and open about it! These rock stars were awful people. Some of these teenage girls (unironically referred to as “baby groupies”) became famous! Sable Starr was 13(!!) when she slept with (was raped) by Iggy Pop. She dated David Bowie, Alice Cooper, AND Rod Stewart. I feel like I need to fully explain how public this was. She did magazine shoots with the rock stars, she openly dated Led Zeppelin lead guitarist Jimmy Page, she even got into a fist-fight with Lorri Mattox, another ‘baby groupie,’ since both of them were dating him!

Sexyy Red is not a degenerate. Place her up against some of music’s most decadent hedonists, and I mean the absolute shit bags of our culture, and she’s pretty average. Her butthole is brown. Okay. Almost every famous rock star you know from the ‘80s or ‘70s was a violent maniac, abused women, and groomed teens, and lived a very public life of just excess and decadence. They’re also beloved by white people.

I Just Need Two Cups Stuffed(With Freedom)

There’s nothing more American than the criminalization of black music. Nina Simone basically fled to Europe because her presence and revolutionary music became a thorn in America’s fat ass.

I remember when the GoGo clubs started shutting down-- criminalized because they claimed the events caused violence in the community.

Chicago decided drill must be stopped. Chief Keef still can’t perform Faneto within
the city limits of Chicago. The hip-hop police in NYC spend all their time trying to ruin the lives of any rapper who escapes the projects they patrol. There is definitely an old, grizzled beat cop who regrets not framing Jay-Z for murder in 1993. UK Drill rappers are dealing with the most draconian laws imagined; some rap groups are required to get permission from judges to make any new music.

The Thugger prosecution is pretty much the Atlanta DA trying to sentence Jeffrey to jail for 2000 years for lyrics. Unlike the prosecution that can’t go 3 words without almost causing a mistrial, bigFACTS founder and light of our lives, Mahadi, is a Thugstorian and knows how to separate life from lyrics.

So what happens is you see them making arguments that lines like “24 million on a nigga head” references contract killings, when in reality, he’s talking about the really dumb diamond Lil Uzi Vert put in his forehead.

For the most part, these folks hate this kind of black music because it provides an escape for the people they view as the inherent problem - Young Thug shouldn’t be allowed to thrive outside of Jonesboro while flaunting their joy. Nina Simone should never have been able to live freely and speak honestly about racism, she should have stayed quiet and poor in Polk County, North Carolina. No one escapes generational poverty on their watch.

Allergies/Evolution?

Sometimes I wonder if people with food allergies are just elite. I imagine that it is just an evolutionary advantage developed through centuries of realizing what is good for you and what isn’t. Think about it, your ancestors were so developed that they trained their throats to close up or throw food back up because they realized the dangers it may pose in the future. I am sure there are tons of studies on this type of thing and a logical answer, but I prefer to believe that the ancestors just snapped.

That nose was made for snorting

Have you ever noticed that some noses are just naturally suited to snorting drugs? The nostrils flare perfectly and create the ideal vacuum for inhalation. The philtrum is seated in just the right spot to ensure there is enough space for straws, bills, and eventually powders to enter the nose. These people are blessed and cursed to do nose drugs.

Ugly talks Parenthood

thot daughter or Son who posts “I’m 13 but this is Real music” in the youtube comments of old J Cole songs,,,

It’s like a new signing!

One of the greatest football managers of all time, Arsene Wenger, had many interesting beliefs, one of which was that a player returning from a lengthy injury would be like a new signing for the team. I believe that the same logic applies to clothing. When the seasons change and you start pulling out the knits and jackets that you haven’t seen in months, it’s like a new signing! When you finally get the holes stitched up in your favorite pants, it’s like a new signing! When you finally take that white shirt with the dutty stains to the cleaners? It’s like a new signing! Sometimes you don’t need to dive into the transfer market when you’ve got players on the injury table!

UGLY SPEAKS TRUTH TO POWER

he’s making a documentary about Dr Sebi!! That’s why the Feds are going after my man Donald Trump, ya’ll not paying attention!

Dead? fr???

As someone who practices a particular religion, the afterlife is outlined pretty clearly in our holy book. If you’re a good lad, you go to the spa in the sky for eternity. If you’re a naughty Nancy, you end up in the hottest after’s every, forever. I have a few of my own theories, most of which have come from my use of various psychedelics, most importantly DMT.

The experience was pretty short, but it felt even shorter. What felt like 15 seconds turned out to be 15 minutes. I was in a daze, but one thing that I recalled was looking around the room and seeing the chakras of everyone around me. Keep in mind that before this, I had no idea what a chakra was or what it would look like. It was just a word I heard in hotep raps. Regardless, there I was, seeing the energy centers of friends and strangers. It was cool, but also the only time I attempted DMT. No one man should have all that power fr fr fr.

Back to death. DMT has also been found to be present in mammals, including humans. Specifically in our pineal gland. More than half of the total amount of DMT produced by acidophilic cells in the pineal gland is secreted before and during death.

Now I ain’t no scientist or nuthin but here’s my hypothesis- In the moments before death, you enter a dreamlike state, induced by the DMT. You remain in this state for only a few minutes/seconds, of course, but within your consciousness, it lasts forever. You dream forever about the life you lived. Positive life = positive vibes, and vice versa. Idk, that makes sense to me, but I don’t make sense to most.

UGLY IS AN OPTIMIST

“There are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see.” yeah, Sure buddy,,,, the inherent majesty of our shared existence never did not nothin’ for nobody

We’re Losing Recipes!

The rent is being raised, and the bar is closing. With it, no more Magic Mondaze, half-off burgers on Wednesday, Saturday night caps, and no more Looking Glass Lounge. Sadly, it’s a theme that has become far too familiar to the regulars and bartenders of Looking Glass Lounge. It wasn’t too long ago that DC Reynolds, whose buy one, get one free happy hour made it legendary amongst DC residents, closed down for similar reasons a few doors over. Similar to DC Reynolds, Looking Glass’ fate was decided by a landlord and market that decrees that every cent must be squeezed out of the walls that house it. No compromise to keep a 15-year establishment and community fixture was to be had. That isn’t to say that the workers and clientele of the bar didn’t maximize the potential of the space. Not an inch of the walls isn’t covered with a portrait, mirror, poster, or a Riz the Great Don’t Trip sticker. Not an inch of the bar was wasted; there is the upstairs dancefloor, the kitchen, the booths, the back patio, the barstools, the speakers, the upstairs and downstairs bars, and the people who fill in the gaps.

To learn more about the people who filled the gaps, we interviewed Looking Glass bartender Odunayo Fabunmi

What makes working at Looking Glass different?
Working at LG is different for me than other bars in the way where there aren’t that many rules to limit us from bringing our personalities to the days we’re assigned to work. Some people may come in for a day, their favorite bartender is working or because they love the music taste of the bartender playing music throughout the shift. The fact that we can play our own music and don’t have to adhere to a specific playlist all the time is truly a luxury most bartenders don’t have. And the locals themselves also makes work- ing at LG different because we have people that come in damn near every day. Even
on slow days, we can rely on our locals to never let us have a “boring” shift or feel like we’re not making any money because they also tip well. It’s a beautiful understanding between bar and patron that we coexist and one can’t do without the other. As a bartender, I don’t really need to get into the details of the stress that comes with bartending, but Looking Glass alleviates most of that stress by not micromanaging like in other bars that I have worked and currently work at.

What is DC losing with the closing of Looking Glass?
With the closing of Looking Glass, DC is losing ANOTHER location where local and mainstream can coexist peacefully with the rest of the world. We get a lot of local creatives that see Looking Glass as a hub to casually enjoy their down time throughout the day. We’ve had plenty of mainstream celebrities from Chaz French, Ari Lennox, and Donnell Rawlings to the local celebrities like Sir EU and UCB band, bless us with their presence and patronage. It’s almost like a TV show of that place “where everybody knows your name,” but nobody is above the next person. We’re here to have a couple of drinks and have a good time. Most other places in DC still operate with that veil of chasing clout, that it’s impossible to recreate the safe space that LG has. There aren’t many safe spaces like that left.

What did DC gain by having Looking Glass in it?
Other than the best cast of down-to-earth bartenders, DC has benefited a lot from just the history alone that’s behind Looking Glass and its former identities. With so much gentrification happening in the whole district, it’s rare that you find places that preserve historical pieces of DC. If not for just being an amazing establishment for any and everyone, it has given a lot of people purpose and fulfillment no other city can match.

Do you have a favorite Looking Glass Memory?
My favorite memory of Looking Glass would have to be one of the holiday parties we hosted. We would hire a bartender from a sister bar or someone we know very well
and have them work as we invite all the employees, friends, and family, and we pretty much just have an amazing time. Yes, of course, there’s a lot of inebriation, but during the holiday seasons, it’s well deserved. I won’t say too much, but trust and believe the holiday parties at the end of this year will overtake and become my new favorite memories. (Also with New Year’s Eve being our last day open and my birthday being on New year’s. I have no doubt it’ll be like Project X)

Do you have any plans for what’s next?
I do. I can’t speak for all of us, and that may be the hardest part to swallow, really. I also work at another bar in Ivy City called Vera. It’s amazing. I like it, and I’ll probably be working more days there. But it sure doesn’t feel good knowing not everyone has that same net to fall back on. We’re doing our best to help each other land on our feet after the dust clears, but until everyone is secure, I try not to speak on what I’ll do afterwards as far as work is involved. But I will be taking a vacation when the new year starts and revisit some talents and endeavors that I neglected so that I can make a living. I still have music to work on. I have projects with different bands that were meticulously putting together. And I still want to put some time to finishing my African Space Odyssey novel that I’ve been writing for god knows how long now.
I can say for sure 2024 is going to be different.

If you have anything else you want to say about looking glass feel free to write it here:
Well, first things first. I am entirely grateful for Looking Glass and almost everyone that works there for all of the love, motivation, support, memories, hardships, revelations, and magic that we were able to share together. I was struggling down bad during the pandemic while taking care of my sick mother when LG threw a Hail Mary and hired me on the team. That was a chance I didn’t think I would get from anywhere at the time, so it truly changed my perspective on a lot. And for the two years I worked there all the way until my mother passed, I was surrounded by love and support. I was constantly reminded of me, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Had it not been for Looking Glass, I would have succumbed to the intense grief and pain of losing the person who loved me most. And this has nothing to do with bartending, DC, or anything really outside of the fact that I was in pieces and there were people who loved me enough to try and put me back together. Of course, i had family to do the same, but i live very far from almost everyone in my immediate family, so my people at LG taking said initiative means a lot more to me. For that, there’s no greater sentiment that I can express to them other than my utmost gratitude. This surely won’t be the end of LG. They say Home is Where The Heart Is, be we say IF YOU DRINK AT LOOKING GLASS YOU LIVE FOREVER!

THREE WINES I DRANK THIS YEAR

I have to assume that the last year of my life has been guided by some freaky little cosmic force that I don’t know, yet has entrusted me anyway with so many beautiful experiences to deepen my love for wine.

At its core, wine is an agricultural product, and if you let it breathe for a second (and maybe you’re not drinking homogenized bulk wine found in the grocery store but I’m not judging!) you’ll find resonating in the bottle a whole story of land and its people. How fucking cool is it that we get to drink wine and in one bottle understand so much history: the choices that farmers and winemakers had to make in response to the climate and economic conditions, or maybe more importantly the choices they didn’t make in spite of what made conventional sense in order to pursue some supernatural sense of resilience and trust in their own God-given skill.

In the last six weeks I’ve met wine producers and had opportunities to dive into their stories from very privileged perspectives, and for that I’m grateful. Now I’m just gonna reflect on the other side of that product: what it’s like to drink it, and some of my favorite moments doing that this year.

The Christening of the Mount Pleasant Home
Virginia Coferment Tram-Cham-Bapple’ 2022

When I moved into my apartment perched at the top of Mount Pleasant in August I just got this sense that I finally found home as an adult. I think graduating college in December 2019 just to slide right into a pandemic sorta stunted that sense of establishing my own rhythms and moving my inner child to a new phase of life. But something about the windows looking out to the National Cathedral, the quirky pendant lights, and being in a home with two of my favorite Taurean women (Jess, roommate; Neptune, cat) feels like home in a new way.

Our first meal we hosted here was a late-summer crab feast. I hadn’t had a chance to sit down for crabs in almost two years, dawg. That’s too long. So we made makeshift table covers with Whole Foods/Trader Joe’s bags, Jess made this bombass pasta salad, and I picked up wine and crabs.

I had a loose sense that Tram-Cham-Bapple was right for the job but now that I re- flect on the whole situation, it made sense the entire time. This is a stew of two hybrid grapes, Traminette and Chambourcin, which are like these sexy, tasty twins coming to end vitis vinifera’s tyrannical reign in the East Coast, plus indigenous Ruby Red crab apples, all coming from Virginia. You absolutely can’t anticipate what happens in the glass. The texture from skins is hypnotic, the apple leaves this sense of sweetness, and Tram-Cham’s got this juicy fruit overripeness that feels so warm and friendly. The wine itself is partially made by my friend Ben, someone I wholly admire in the Virgin- ia wine scene today because he is (1) very smart, (2) extremely dedicated to the ex- perimental, and (3) is a certified ally in opening up natural wine production to BIPOC, queers, and all others who aren’t the typical Natty Wine Bros TM.

I glugged down that Tram-Cham-Bapple and picked crabs like my mom taught me, and like we’ve done every year since I was old enough to sit up. There was this synergy between the local fruit in the bottle and the piles of Chesapeake crab meat I was hoarding in my butter dish. And it totally makes sense: Redefining my sense of home in my big age of 25 isn’t this crazy endeavor full of unknowns. The best comfort comes from embracing who I am and what I’ve come to love living in the land I’ve always known. Chesapeake girl at heart <3

If My Therapist Still Took My Insurance I Would Have Set Up An Appointment Right Then To Process This With Her
Iapetus Wines’ Figure 03 Petnat

In January my then-boyfriend took a trip up to Vermont with his best friend to do some skiing and generally get into some winter cozy vibes. We had been together for threeish months at this point but he’s a Sagittarius and I was just about used to his constant adventuring already. At that point our relationship had a strong foundation of our shared love for exploring food and wine and beer, not just as an interest but as our lifeforce.

I had been obsessed with this label Iapetus since I tried one of their orange wines at Domestique at a North American wine tasting. It’s a project of very thoughtful wines using fruit from Shelburne Vineyard to connect us in the present with everything that’s happened in the Champlain Valley in the last million or so years. It’s very fucking ME coded.

My first forreal-forreal relationship was a personal unraveling. I was living in the dis- comfort I had practiced unpacking with my therapist all 2021, including but not limited to, feeling desirable, owning what I need and saying it out loud, and generally feeling dysmorphic about being someone’s monogamous partner and being vulnerable enough to give someone literally any fucking clue about how to show love to me instead of being an elusive goblin. At the end of 2021 my therapist chose to stop taking my insurance, and I just didn’t find it critical to pay out of pocket for our once-a-month kikis (though I miss you and still think about you, Lyssa).

The day he came back from Vermont I drove to his house and he unearthed all the good shit he brought back, including that only-in-Vermont drip like farmhouse ales, cheeses, cured meats, coffee, and just for me, the Iapetus red Petnat, literally spar- kling with glittering bubbles floating across the red lake in the bottle. This was the first red Petnat I had ever gotten to hold in my own hands. It had cranberries and blueberries, some citrus, and the most gorgeous coarse bubbles and it made me feel very vibrant.

And as I was marveling at the wine, the realization came crashing down that I was exposed. At some point the vulnerability had been on full display for this person, and I don’t know for how long. Like at what point did I let someone think it was okay to bring me a novelty bottle straight from this niche nerdy wine producer in Vermont that I love? Just as a nice thing to do for me? I crumbled inside and we crushed that bottle and we ate cheese and watched King of the Hill, probably.

Afters
Frontón de Oro Afrutado Blanco

Seeing how much fun my ex was having working in the restaurant industry full time was honestly reason number 1 or 2 that pushed me to quit my corporate job and get on the floor selling wine. February to March was a pretty terrifying time but I just felt that freaky little cosmic force pushing me deeper outside my comfort zone. I was es- sentially working two full time jobs as I transitioned out from the corporate role, pull- ing marketing reports during the mornings, studying my ass off trying to get the wine list down during lunch, then testing on everything I was learning at the restaurant in the evenings. I wanted to unalive myself!

One of the wines on the list at the restaurant that spring, the Afrutado from Frontón de Oro, was so fucking good. Like a Dole fruit cup but fresh and topped with the finest fresh coconut juice and a kiss of acid. It comes in this gem blue bottle straight from
La Lechuza in Gran Canaria, Spain, a part of the world I didn’t even know made wine commercially until this year. It was wild how so quickly my plan to work in a restau- rant full-time was already blowing everything I thought I understood about wine out of the water. I felt like I was barely treading that water trying to keep up with the curriculum, let alone completely upending my normal reality to really pursue this life.

I feel a lot of joy when I think about the Afrutado because it was one of the wines on
the table the first time I hung out with my coworkers after service, something I was near-desperate for as I was struggling to find where exactly I belong in this big wide world. We crowded on an Adams Morgan park picnic table late at night quite literally in the dark splitting Big Macs, nuggets, and fries and slurping Michelin-worthy wine out of delis. Afrutado and Sweet and Sour are literally meant for each other. The high and low merging together is really what makes life worth living.

I know that working at a restaurant isn’t sustainable for me long-term but I’m so fucking grateful I get paid to have fun and do bullshit like sell and write about wine.

Bitch, I Mothered

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
I’d read her bedtime stories.
Sing her our ancestors’ songs
Give her Besos and hold her until she fell asleep-feeling safe.

I’d teach her how to ask for what she wants and thank her when she does.

I’d hold her every time she cried.
Every single time.

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
I’d teach her how to do her hair.
I’d teach her to cornrow, french braid, twist & moisturize.
I’d let her straighten her hair when she got older.

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
I’d teach her how to reach within her belly and breathe.

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
I’d take her to the park and push her on the swing.
I’d plan play dates with Moms who annoy me.
I’d take her on walks and let her collect pine cones after they had fallen from the
trees and show her the helicopter leaves.

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
She would grow up relaxed.
She would grow up knowing, Mothering her was calming. Healing even. She would get to
be a child.
She would know emotional freedom.
She would recognize peace.

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
These curses might not be so hard to break. Change might not be so hard to stand on.
It might even feel
Safe.

If I were my Mother’s, Mother
I’d Mother her how she Mothered me.

If I Mothered my Mother that way,
maybe her best would’ve been good enough.

Yet here I am Mothering anyway. ~k.C

Best,
Kayla Calvin

To Whom It May Concern:

When I first started writing, it was solely expressive. It was the way I gave myself a voice. I would always write like I was talking to someone, like someone was listening. Almost like a letter. It was how I made sense of my emotions and released my anxieties. My phone was a way for me to do this quickly. I would write them in my email. I think it made me feel like I was really addressing the person or people I had in mind. Like they had to listen to me. In all of my pieces I’m talking to someone. Sometimes even myself. There is always someone in mind.
When I started sharing my words I was tired of not being heard, ignored, and misunderstood. I was disappointed in myself for letting that be the reason I didn’t use my voice. It was my way of pressing send on all those emails. This, was the next step.

I hope after reading this you press send and never hold your tongue again, to whomever it may concern: Enjoy.

To:
Cc/Bcc:
Subject: UGLY

Stretching my voice across every wall
of these 650 square feet.

I’m ugly with you.
As my tears hum us to sleep.

I’m ugly with you.
Birthing a new mind as our first child.

I’m ugly with you
Unburying a life that still lingers.

I’m ugly with you.
As I lay it down again and cover it with soil.

I’m ugly with you.
I even watered it, then asked you to do so too.

I’m ugly with you.
Showed you all my dirty roots; with the hope
that you’d want to replant ‘em, brand new.

I’m triflin’
Being ugly with you, waiting for your ugly too.
Sent from my iPhone
k.C.

To:
Cc/Bcc:
Subject: Babygirl

She deserved love of the purest kind.
God gave it to her.

I judged her before, but
I get it now.

Tragedy washed away with
New innocence

But you give too much of yourself - with faith,
And a romanticized idea of reality;
Then expect the same in return

You only break your own heart.
Sent from my iPhone
k.C.

To:
Cc/Bcc:
Subject: Lost&Found

I miss you while you’re here
Because it never lasts.
You never stay

But somehow when you come back
I’m sure it’s a forever thing.

The war you hold me
I feel it in my belly.

The way you kiss me while I sleep makes me
Forget I ever went without you
I think I actually like you

And that’s the only way I could ever love again.
Shit.

I wanna sit in the sun with you.

Sent from my iPhone,
kC.

PUT ON

REEBOK BEATNICK $120

The coziest sandals you will buy. Originally released in 1995, they have seen a resurgence in recent years, partially thanks to the global event that caused everyone to put more value in cozy attire. The aggressive shark tooth-like outsole and closed-toe quilted upper make this the most comfortable sandal for your money.

Anonymous Ism Socks $20

Here at bigFACTS, we value comfort over anything. Luckily, these socks from the Japanese brand Anonymous Ism are both cozy and beautiful. With rib knitting and thick Japanese cotton, they put your feet in a soft, warm embrace that you will never want to end.

The Color University Trucker Hat

TCU is a super innovative streetwear brand based out of DC. Their designs and collections seem to be heavily inspired by BBCICECREAM, Pastelle, and mid to late 2000s streetwear. The trucker hat is clearly influenced by those worn by Pharrell in the aughts, but TCU has added its own touch with its signature cherub logo embroidered onto the top of the hat. Good luck buying one as they usually sell out in hours, but if you do, we recommend accessorizing with some pins to add a personal touch. This hat is the DC cool-kid calling card!

Carpet Company T-shirt $38

After a whirlwind 2021 that included a Nike SB collab and a collection with Turnstile, the hottest punk band out, the Habibis at carpet have taken a more tempered approach to their releases this year. This hasn’t stopped them from releasing beautiful graphic t-shirts. The weight, quality, and graphics on their shirts put Carpet above all similar brands.

EAT!

MAKETTO: Crystal Shrimp Dumplings

These are the absolute best dumplings in the City. Steamed and served in a small bowl, these are the perfect light appetizer. Like a little shrimpy pillow.

DOI MOI: Flash Fried Beef Jerky

The name does not do this dish justice at all. A half pound of tender steak strips is glazed in honey and topped with fresh cilantro and pickled vegetables, served with a sriracha dipping sauce. This is a great afternoon snack.

COMPASS ROSE: Spice Bag

The whole idea behind Compass Rose is a white woman travelling the world and bringing back her favorite dishes. This mainly works thanks to the diversity of the kitchen staff and the fact that most people don’t know how some of these dishes are supposed to taste. The menu changes occasionally, but one dish that has become a staple is the Irish Spice Bag. A simple dish made by deep-frying chicken thighs, fingerling potatoes, bell peppers, and onions. It is served in a cute paper bag and topped with Chinese five-spice with a spicy mayo on the side. This is the perfect thing to eat before or after a night of drunken debauchery, as the Irish are known to do.